Category Archives: Wife

My wish for everyone is a best friend, an enduring friendship.

I have so much to say about this article– as a wife and as a mother of a son.
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Why Do We Murder the Beautiful Friendships of Boys? by Mark Greene, Author REMAKING MANHOOD-Senior Editor, Good Men Project

 
My instinct with both my son and my husband is to nurture their friendships- their relationships other than their relationship to me. I neither want a monopoly on their affections nor wish them to be dependent on me as their sole source of emotional support.
 
I encourage my husband to maintain his friendships. I facilitate it when I can. I consider it a priority. I feel happy when he leaves for a game convention with his dear friend. I shoo the kids out of his office when he has game night with his friends that always start with catching up, jokes, and life updates. I’ve never once begrudged him his time with his friends. That is important.
 
For my son, he is facing separation from his best friend. They love each other, clearly, and are each other’s favorite person. But they will be starting kindergarten in different school districts. The parents are already laying plans for how to maintain their friendship. Plans for karate lessons together. Playdates and sleepovers.
 
When my son tells me how much he loves his friend I reply, “I know you love him. Doesn’t that make you feel good?” Just the other day he told me that during a sleepover he hugged his friend and his friend didn’t even wake up! It was adorable to see how happy he was, to know he’d been so overcome with love and affection for his friend that he just had to hug him.
 
I know how important my friendships are. I love so many people, and am loved in return. It never occurred to me to think it was different for male friendships. And actually, this piece makes me wonder about platonic friendships between opposite genders, or between two people who are seen as potential romantic partners. (The article discusses homophobia, but seems to assume there are no friendships between gay boys that remain platonic, or at least doesn’t address them).
 
Just let go of worries of convention. I have had moments with my son where I feel uncomfortable- like when he wants his nails painted, or when he says he wants to marry his best friend, but I stop myself. I realize that the feeling of discomfort is not because I think something is wrong, but because I know others would be critical and find it wrong for a boy to paint his nails pink or marry his best male friend.
 
As long as I can I will protect my son (and my daughter) from the horrors of social pressure. They are too young to understand romantic love. They haven’t had a crush yet. They think (rightly so) that gay marriages are just as normal and common place as heterosexual marriages. They discuss marrying their best friend (my daughter has already picked out names for the daughter she plans to adopt with her best friend). IT IS FINE! They are children! Let them be!
 
My wish for everyone is a best friend, an enduring friendship.
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Filed under Mother, Nemo, Wife

Cursed pestilence

We have been ravaged by a stomach bug.  It was going around in the local public schools and quickly made it’s way, via siblings, to Mabel’s nursery school.

She was sick Wednesday and Thursday of last week.  Then Nemo was sick Sunday into Monday.  Note, by sick, I mean, threw up in their sleep and rolled around in it for some period of time before we noticed and had to spend an hour in the middle of the night cleaning the child, the bedding, and the beds themselves.  Perhaps it was punishment for poor parenting choices?  On Wednesday we’d let Mabel get mac n’ cheese on ‘kids eat free’ night at the local red sauce place.  On Sunday we’d let Nemo have Domino’s pizza since it was Superbowl Sunday.

This would have been craptastic on a normal week, however, this week was not supposed to be normal.  Mac had a freelance job to do on-site in NJ.  My company provides a lovely back-up care plan for employees through Br!ght Hor!zons.  The plan seems to consist of a website that lists local daycare centers you can request care from and a bank of operators who call you back and tell you that there is no space in the center you requested, but there is another center on the other side of the Hudson River or 45 miles north of your home (which is 45min in the wrong direction from work).  Alternatively, you could send your 1.5yo to the affiliated center nearby your work that has online reviews discussing how filthy the place is, how unhappy the staff is, and how they restrain children who won’t stay in time out.  None of those alternatives were tenable.

Thusly, we cobbled together childcare from a variety of friends and family so Mac could take the freelance job (households with two working parents who encounter this stuff routinely have my respect and sympathy).  Monday Nemo was to stay with a friend (and her kids) during the day, and Mabel was going to go home from school with another friend.  This solution for Monday flew out the window like Domino’s out of a toddler sometime around 1am.

To complicate things further, on top of the pestilence, there was snow.  We’d been up so much in the night Sunday into Monday, that when we did wake to lots of snow we pretty much gave up.  As it was I had a miserable cold, no sleep, 800 loads of pukey laundry, and a sick toddler.  Mac’s office was closed that day, so I took the day off to recuperate.

Tuesday I was scheduled to work from home (we couldn’t cobble together care for Tuesday and Friday).  I took Mabel to school, spent the morning finger painting with Nemo, and waiting for my dad to arrive in the afternoon so I could take Mabel to the Museum of Natural History for a class we’d signed up for.

Nemo enjoying being an only child for the morning.

Nemo enjoying being an only child for the morning.

Around noontime, it was clear to me that something was wrong with my own GI tract.  I didn’t want to miss out on the already-paid-for/no-refunds class, so I took some Pepto, grabbed some plastic bags (just in case), and headed out.  I made it through and back home, but just barely.

By the time we got home, I knew I too had the stomach bug.  I spent Tuesday night doing what one does when one has the stomach bug.  Thankfully, I’d only had a cup of chicken soup (and not free mac n’ cheese or Domino’s).  However, whilst I was out of commission Nemo spent the hours from 1am to 5am wide awake and refusing to sleep.  Additionally, Mabel woke up (she’d fallen asleep in the car on the way home and I’d just put her into bed in her clothes) screaming that she had to get washed up and put on her PJs.  I tried to help, but figured not puking on the carpet was help enough and retreated, leaving the hysteria to Mac.

Nemo finally settled down and Mac came to bed around 5am.  By 7:30 Mabel was up and raring to go (having forgotten about her 1am sh!t losing).  I crawled out of bed, turned on Doc McStuffins, and laid down on the couch.

A while later, Nemo was awake.  When I went to get him, I found he had again puked all over his bed and self. *Thankfully* it was only a frozen waffle.  However, I was so sick, all I did was take off his PJs, wipe him down with a baby wipe, change his diaper, put him in new clothes, carry him downstairs, and let him lay with me on the couch.

We remained in this state for an indeterminate period of time and Mac awoke to this site, at which point I notified him of the mess in the bedroom. Once that was cleaned up, we sat Nemo down for a light breakfast, at which point he projectile puked up all the water he’d drank that morning. More cleaning and laundry.

In addition to the pestilence, there was more snow- a lot of snow, highways closed, state of emergency declared snow.  So, at least my work was closed and I didn’t have to use more PTO to stay home sick.  However, Mac couldn’t get to NJ for work.

By the end of Wednesday, it had been several hours since anyone had puked, we counted our blessings, and went to bed.

Thursday Mac went to work, my mom came to watch Nemo, and I dropped Mabel at school.  I cautiously made my way to work, and actually made it through the day without embarrassing myself.

I arrived home thinking we’d finally made it through, that we were recovered!  Then Mac came home.

I’m home with the kids again today- none of us have puked since Wednesday- and Mac is at work, but feeling like crud.  I hope he’s just having sympathy symptoms.

It has been a hellacious week (this morning’s breakfast of champions was a Dunkin Donut in the car on the ride to preschool- mom of the year!).  I went into lab one day this whole week. I only managed a few hours of working from home.  It sucks using so much PTO for nothing.

I really hope this is the end of it. I haven’t been that sick in a long time.

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Filed under Mabel, Mother, Nemo, Wife

The Ultimate Geek Valentine’s Day

This year Mac and I are going to do something AWESOME for Valentine’s Day.

We are going to spend it at the Hayden Planetarium at the American Museum of Natural History!

The tickets were a bit of splurge (considering last V-day was take out at home), but when I found out about the event, I couldn’t pass up the opportunity.

Romance Under the Stars

Romance Under the Stars

Celebrate Valentine’s Day with a unique NYC experience only at the Hayden Planetarium! Join us for a cocktail hour, complete with open bar, champagne, and hors d’oeuvres, along with the music of the Josh Rutner Quartet. Then join Hayden presenters Lydia Maria Petrosino and Ted Williams in the planetarium for a view of the night sky. Sit back and enjoy some of the greatest romance stories from the ancient celestial past.

 

We have a membership to the museum, which means we can park for only $10.  Throw in free babysitting from my mom, and it won’t be all that expensive.

I haven’t been to the Hayden Planetarium in YEARS (like since high school), so I’m really excited.  Mac is too!

The only thing that could made this night even better is if Neil deGrasse Tyson is there.

There are still tickets left if you are interested! Click here. (If you’re going, let me know so I can briefly say hello and then leave you to your galactic romance.)

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Indoctrination

Mac posted the following on FB the other day with the caption, “A very special time in a young girl’s life – her first gaming dice. (First d20 roll was a 17)”

A very special time in a young girl's life - her first gaming dice. (First d20 roll was a 17)
A very special time in a young girl’s life – her first gaming dice. (First d20 roll was a 17)

I responded with, “And thus another generation is indoctrinated.”

Mac’s retort made me laugh out loud, “You get country music and Catholicism. Let me have this.”

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Happy Halloween!

We took it down to the wire and carved out pumpkin last night.  What do you think?

pumpkin mcphdIt was a collaborative effort (meaning my husband did all the work and the kids did their best to thwart him, while I took pictures).

halloween

 

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Filed under Mabel, Mother, Nemo, Wife

First Yanks Game!

Every year my company holds an employee lottery for their season tickets to both The Yankees and The Mets home games.

This year I put in for tickets, but only for Yankees Vs. Red Sox games, and wouldn’t you know it- I won!

So, on September 5th, we took the kids to Yankee Stadium, met my sister, and Nemo saw his first Yankees game!  (Mabel’s first game was last year)

firstyanksgame090513

We all had a lot of fun.  Mabel was exited about the singing and the cheering.  Nemo fell asleep around the 5th inning, but woke when the Yanks rallied in the 7th.  We left on a high note during the 8th inning, and we super bummed they lost.  However, all in all, it was a really fun first game!

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Filed under Mabel, Mother, Nemo, Wife

Wordless Wednesday: Like father, like son

One of these is my son, the other my husband.

One of these is my son, the other my husband.  Meiotic recombination is amazing.

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Filed under #scimom, Mother, Scientist, Wife, Wordless Wednesday