When I negotiated the base salary for my current job the recruiter actually said to me, “If money is that important to you, perhaps this isn’t the right company for you.”
My response was something along the lines of, “I’ve done my research, I am aware of what I am worth.” What I wanted to say was more like, “Oh, so you give back a portion of your salary just for the pleasure of working there?”
In the end, my negotiations netted me the salary and title of Scientist, even though the position they had been hoping to fill was one of post-doc. However, they didn’t actually agree to pay me what I was worth. Lucky for them the other two companies I had interviewed with weren’t ready to make an offer. A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush and such. I took the job even though the salary was less.
Sharing war stories with female colleagues and we all got bullish!t responses to our attempts to negotiate, some more successful than others.
Recently I read this piece from The New Yorker Lean Out: The Dangers for Women Who Negotiate by Maria Konnikova.
It was depressing, to say the least. You should read it, but the crux of the article: women are penalized for negotiating.
I feel some of that still in my current job. The reporting structure above me is all male. I get comments like, “Don’t be emotional.”* It’s like pulling teeth to get concrete responses regarding performance and promotion. While I’m reluctant to blame sexism, the three male colleagues hired within months of me were promoted in January. Myself and one other male colleague were not.
It is disheartening. However, it’s not in my nature to be cowed. I speak up, I speak out, I ask for answers, I ask for feedback, etc. And according to the data, I can expect to suffer as a result.
Ironically, after reading the Lean Out piece, I then finally got around to reading/watching this item that kept appearing in my FB feed:
All I could think were two things:
1. Just don’t negotiate like a girl.
2. I really hope my daughter doesn’t have to put up with this shit.
*This comment is particularly ironic since we all had to do the Myers-Briggs shenanigans and I’m an INTJ (the T being for Thinking, not Feeling) while my supervisor is the “Feeler”.
It’s become a yearly tradition- the first confirmed report of West Nile Virus in a mosquito. The winner in New York State this year is Rockland County!! They found their first positive mosquito just last week! So far this year there have not been any reported human cases, but it’s still early in the season. Last year NY had 33 cases. (Source)
I’ve written before about my not-so-illustrious research career, specifically the summer I spent working for my local county health department doing West Nile Virus (WNV) surveillance, here. Back then, 2001, West Nile was an emerging disease. The first cases had been reported in New York City in 1999, and each year subsequent had seen an increase in cases as the virus spread. More than once that summer, I answered panicked phone calls from residents who found dead birds on their property and were fearful of disease.
As I did then, I hope this post will help allay fears, and educate readers about West Nile, what it is, how it spreads, how it’s monitored, and how you can help prevent it!
What is West Nile Virus?
As the name implies, West Nile is a virus, of the genus flaviviruses (Dengue virus is in the same genus). WNV can infect certain birds and mosquitoes as well as many mammals including humans and horses. The virus is spread by mosquitoes the feed on infected animals and transmit it by feeding on uninfected animals. WNV was first identified in Uguanda in the 1930s. How it came to New York City in 1999 is unknown, however, “international travel of infected persons to New York, importation of infected birds or mosquitoes, or migration of infected birds are all possibilities.” (Source, CDC) Since arriving in North America, WNV has spread over all of North America and Mexico.
How is it detected?
The virus can be detected in samples from infected animals (blood, tissues, etc), including mosquitoes. The summer I worked for the health department, one of my primary tasks was to collect dead birds and send them to a state lab for testing to detect WNV. Another was to trap mosquitoes (you can see the type of trap we used below), sort them by species (and gender, only females bite!), and pool them so they can be sent for testing. Research conducted when WNV first emerged in the US showed that the density of dead crows correlated with the risk of WNV infecting humans (Source). Thus, our collection and reporting on the species and location of dead birds was crucial.
What are the symptoms of WNV infection?
The vast majority of people (70-80%) who are infected with WNV will show no symptoms at all. So, you may have already had it and your immune system fought it off without you even knowing you were sick. The remaining ~20% may have flu-like symptoms- headache, body aches, joint pain, vomiting, diarrhea, or rash– and recover completely. A very small percentage of people (less than 1%) will develop neurological condition- encephalitis or meningitis (the inflammation of the brain or its surrounding tissue). The symptoms of the encephalitis/meningitis include headache, high fever, stiff neck, disorientation, coma, seizure, etc. The neurological condition will prove fatal in about 10% of cases.
What are the treatments?
There is no vaccine against WNV for people (there is one for horses). There is also no specific treatment for WNV, just over-the-counter pain relievers/fever reducers, and other supportive care (fluids, pain relief).
Who is at risk?
The elderly are most at risk, with most cases of WNV occurring in people over 60 years of age (Source). Certain illness can make people more vulnerable to complications from WNV infection- those who are immune suppressed (organ transplant recipients, cancer patients, etc.).
Is West Nile Virus in my area?
So far this year, it’s still early in the season. As I said above, NY just had their first positive mosquito. To view the CDC’s current map of West Nile Virus activity per state, click here.
How does it spread?
The West Nile Virus is primarily spread through mosquito bites. WNV is endemic in birds and spread vie mosquitoes in that population. Occasionally an infected mosquito bites a human and transmits the virus. There have been reported cases of human to human transmission, but only through organ donation and blood transfusions.
What can I do keep from getting WNV?
Long sleeves/pants/socks, insect repellent, and window screens can keep you from getting bitten. You can also make it harder for mosquitoes to breed near you- avoid having ANY STANDING WATER on your property. That includes birth baths, old tires (there are prime breeding grounds), wheel barrows, sand boxes, water tables, flower pots, tarps, any place water can accumulate, mosquitoes can lay their eggs.
When I worked for my local health department, we routinely kept our eyes out for sources of standing water and encouraged the public to notify us if they found a source. We’d get calls about abandoned properties (with swimming pools, bird baths, etc) and go out to try and get homeowners and business owners to fix the problems. If you see a problem area, I’d encourage you to call your local health department. Also, if you find a dead bird- give them a call, they may want to send it for testing.
The bottom line.
Chances of you or your kids getting sick from WNV are pretty slim. That said, avoiding mosquito bites is the best way to keep yourself safe. Keep yourself covered, keep mosquitoes out of your house, remove any sources of standing water on your property.
I wish she had experimented by telling people in social situations that she went to an Ivy League school and seen the reactions first hand. And by reactions, I mean how people reacted to her, and how their reactions made her feel.
People do make assumptions based on this kind of information- some of them are flattering, others of them are unflattering- all of them make me uncomfortable, all of them are detrimental.
In high school, I didn’t even tell people I was applying to an Ivy League school. I had a first choice, Mt. Holyoke, and I didn’t want people thinking of it as my second choice because I didn’t get into my reach school. When the guidance department announced over the loud speaker that I would be attending Yale, all of the heads in the room whipped around and looked at me, shocked. It was awkward. I was wearing my Yale sweatshirt- the one full of holes that I’d had since 6th grade when my best friend’s older brother started attending. I had always loved the school- loved the environment, loved everything he told me about learning there. I had the shirt long before I even applied to the school. I wore it enough (because it was super comfy and I loved the paisley fabric of the letters) that it got holes. I wore it after I had applied and before I knew if I’d gotten in- including on picture day (which I had forgotten about). My application was a lotto ticket, and I was lucky enough to win. Nobody had batted an eyelash at the sweatshirt until that announcement. After that, the high school rumor mill churned out reports daily about who thought I was bragging by wearing the shirt, who though I didn’t deserve it, who thought it unfair I hadn’t told people I was applying, etc.
That was my first experience sharing what would become my alma mater. Of course there were accolades, my friends cheered me on and were genuinely happy for me, but it was tinged by those negative reactions. That is how the stage is set for people to hide that information.
As we all know, high school is an unhealthy and miserable microcosm of society.
When I was applying to grad school, I went on a bunch of interview weekends. I distinctly remember one weekend (at Johns Hopkins of all places), another prospective student, upon learning I was from Yale said, “So you’re the one from Yale! But you don’t seem snooty at all.” Apparently the assembled group of prospectives, as they got to know each other, had wondered who was the Yale student that weekend. At that moment I was glad that our name tags hadn’t included our undergrad institutions. I have enough trouble meeting new people without having to overcome hurdles put in place by their stereotypes. This was the reaction of people smart enough and hard working enough to be brought in from all over the country to interview at Johns Hopkins- you’d think they’d know better.
When we were first dating in grad school, my husband didn’t believe me that this kind of information would make all manner of people act weird and make embarrassing (to both parties) comments. Then he took me to his high school reunion and his jaw dropped at the reactions of his former classmates. People instantly used self-deprecating humor to put themselves down and adopted ‘we’re not worthy’ types of body language. Instead of discussing the weather or the Eagles, conversation revolved around how dumb they were and what I was studying. It was so uncomfortable I asked him to please stop telling people where I was going to school, and he obliged.
Years later, we were out to dinner with friends of friends, people we barely knew. Our friend, who was hosting the event, introduced me as the smartest person he knew, and rattled of my undergrad, grad, and post-doc institutions. It was the end of the evening as far as I was concerned. I felt super awkward, my husband knew how I felt. It didn’t even matter whether the other people gave a shit or not (most likely they couldn’t have cared less)- I couldn’t say if it changed how they interacted with me, I changed, I was uncomfortable and felt conspicuous.
This is why I consciously withhold this information from people until they get to know me. On several occasions, upon revealing the info people have said, “I never would have guessed! You are so [opposite of whatever stereotype they had in mind]!” While that’s not a reaction I like to get, I at least am glad that they were able to get to know me without that sterotype interfering.
Quite frankly, it’s the same reason I don’t go by “Doctor”- I don’t need people’s assumptions getting in the way of getting to know me.
For the past two years I’ve been invited to speak to a group of girls interested in STEM– at a struggling high school, in a struggling city, in a socioeconomically disadvantaged area. When I sent in my biographical info for the program, I specifically did not use “Doctor” or “PhD” in it. My work email signature does include the “PhD” but I left it up to the organizers how my name should appear. After the event, which was great- one of the other panelists (who has a PhD in education and goes by “Doctor”) pulled me aside and asked, “Why don’t you use doctor?” I replied, “Because people see that and make assumptions about me. I find it gets in the way.” (If she hadn’t gone by “Doctor” I might have added that I think it’s pretty pretentious when PhDs do that.)
What this geographical lie of omission comes down to is this: It’s hard enough to get to know new people and their prejudices (good or bad) can make it a lot harder. It can be harder because of how they react (put themselves down). It can be harder because of how you think they’ll react (unnecessarily impressed). It can be harder because of how they think you want them to react (impressed). It can be harder because of how you react to their reaction (awkwardly).
I’m not asking anyone to play the world’s smallest violin on my behalf, as if I have this cross of education to bear, I’m just pointing out that it makes me uncomfortable when people react to by alma maters as anything other than factoids of information. (Unless you are a potential employer, in which case- be impressed!!!) And, since they often do react strongly to learning of my educational background, making one or both of us feel awkward, I choose to avoid sharing that info when possible.
And for the record, I don’t think the geographic option is ‘code’ for the in-crowd. When people tell me they went to school in Boston, I don’t automatically assume Harvard. And when I’ve said I went to school in New Haven, I’ve never been insulted when people ask about UNH or Quinnipiac- I’m usually chagrined because it means I have to clarify and ‘fess up to the truth.
Friends have shared this on FB a lot, and I finally got around to reading it. It’s short, funny, and worth a look.
A recent study has shown that if American parents read one more long-form think piece about parenting they will go fucking ape shit.
I have to say, as much as I post here about parenting studies, I don’t take many of them to heart. Most of the studies really don’t even apply directly to how one should parent, they are merely spun by the media to imply that they do. My years of experience reading primary literature and my scientific training allow me to filter out all the noise and spin, and drill down to understand what the results mean for me and my kids.
I have friends on FB freaking out about BPA (to the point that one was ravaged with guilt for eating a bowl of canned soup while pregnant), vaccines, GMOs, etc. It is to the point of ridiculousness.
I often have friends and family approach me for my ‘scientific opinion’ on something- ranging from biopsy results to whether or not the government and pharmaceutical companies have the cure for cancer and are conspiring to keep it from humanity.
When it comes to many studies (i.e. crying it out, BPA, GMOs, etc) I just say, “Don’t worry about it.”
There are bodies of work that allow scientists to come to a clear concensus- the safety and efficacy of vaccines, for example- but on a lot of other issues, there is no clear consensus. The data aren’t there, the studies haven’t been done, conclusions cannot be drawn.
So, by and large my advice is, “Don’t worry about it. Don’t kill yourself finding BPA-free everything, don’t bankrupt yourself buying GMO-free everything, don’t exhaust yourself getting up 1000 times a night, etc.”
We’re all gonna screw up our kids in one way or another, so just accept that fact and get on with your life.
Since it’s actually Kids’ Night Out on Broadway this week (until March 2nd!) where you can get a free kids ticket when you buy an adult ticket, here’s my advice for taking your kid to a Broadway (or, really, any) show! (PS- Click here for Kids’ Night Out events across the US.)
When I was 4 years old, my mom took me to my first Broadway show. It was Annie. I still have some memories of it- I can see the character of Annie on the stage in my mind’s eye.
I loved it. I remember getting the sound track to the movie in record form and playing it on my Fisher Price record player while dancing around my bedroom. Even at 4yo, I could relate to It’s a Hard Knock Life.
So, when Annie came back on Broadway, my mom and I were both eager to take Mabel to see it. She wasn’t even 3 years old (about a month shy). It seemed a little silly to take a child so small to such an expensive show, but we didn’t want miss the chance to have her first Broadway experience be so much like mine. So, my mom considered it a Christmas/Birthday present and we took her.
In advance of that, I picked up the DVD of the 80s movie and let Mabel watch it so she’d be familiar with the music and the plot (even though the movie deviates a bit). I also borrowed the soundtrack of the movie from the library and ripped it so she could listen to the music (FYI- we now measure road trip distances traveled by how many times we’ve repeated the soundtrack- although Newsies! and Frozen soundtracks have also entered rotation).
She LOVED the movie and the music- particularly all the little kids singing and dancing. She was super excited for the show.
We took her, she loved it. Twenty minutes in, she did claim to have to use the bathroom (even though she’d gone right before we sat down), but it was a false alarm. She was really thrilled. She was mesmerized the whole time, although there was little squirming, because her eyes were glued to the stage.
Just last month we took her to see Newsies. (Another movie I have fond memories of from my childhood!) I did the same thing, having her watch the movie and be familiar with the plot and songs (even though it also deviates a bit). It didn’t work out as well. She wasn’t as into it and got quite antsy during the show. (It was distracting for me, but I hope the people a few rows back didn’t notice. Thankfully the seats in the row ahead of us and the two rows behind us were empty!).
Why didn’t it work out as well? I think she just didn’t like the story as much, and the Broadway version did NOT have little boys in it. I joked to my mom, “Those are the most muscular, orphaned street urchins I’ve ever seen!” The actors were clearly much older than the kids in the movie were supposed to be.
I do think Mabel was too young for Newsies, and it was a waste of money. I think she enjoyed it well enough, but she’d probably like it a lot more next year. Thankfully the tickets were buy one/get one, so it wasn’t as expensive as it could have been.
[Overall, I was disappointed in it as well. There were lines so cheesy that I rolled my eyes. The plot was much more contrived, complete with love story. The accents were all over the place (and I don’t mean the 5 boroughs). Not to mention the changes to the plot, and the conversion of “Have to fear, Brooklyn’s here!” into a song that eliminated the line! It did not hold up to my 7th grade recollection of watching the movie obsessively. That said, the dancing was AMAZING! And they did justice to Carrying the Banner, King of New York, The World Will Know, and Seize the Day. I’m glad I saw it.]
So what would be my tips for taking a kid to a show?
1. Know your kid. If your kid, at any age, cannot sit still and be well behaved for 2 hours, don’t waste your money and the money spent by the people around you. I would have taken Mabel out of the theater if she distracted people around us. People pay a lot of money for those tickets, they don’t need it ruined by an antsy kid. Annie, for Mabel, was perfect at almost three years old. Newsies for Mable at four years old was not great- during intermission I told her that if she didn’t sit still we’d have to leave, and I meant it. Thankfully she listened and was able to (mostly) sit still.
2. Theaters have booster seats (basically cushions) for kids to sit on so they can actually see. Mabel used a booster for Newsies. For Annie she just sat on all our coats (which worked well because then we didn’t have to hold them).
3. Minimize drinking (by your child, it might help you to imbibe) pre-show and visit the bathroom immediately before the show starts. However a meal or snack before the show is a good idea so you don’t have a cranky, hungry kid.
4. Show the child the movie version in advance, let them listen to the soundtrack. There are lots of shows that are based on movies, and there are lots of shows that are revivals for which a movie version is available. Check your local library or Amazon. Seeing the movie helps kids understand what’s going on and be better able to follow along. If deviations from the movie will irk your kid, make them aware of plot changes they should expect.
5. Have water, tissues, etc with you so you don’t have to get up during the performance. If your child needs them, bring ear plugs or ear muffs, sun glasses, etc. (Newsies was loud to me. Also it did have a scene where a newspaper photographer takes a photo- the old fashioned flash explosion startled Mabel, it was loud and bright. There was another scene where the stage lights got really bright, so many in the audience had to cover their eyes with their hands. FYI!). You can read reviews of the show in advance to see if it mentions stuff that might bother your kid.
6. Pick a time that does not coincide with nap/bed time. Matinees are great unless your kid normally naps at that hour. If you can do a 7/7:30pm evening show, encourage your child to take a nap. (This didn’t work for Mabel and she was yawning during Newsies, but it did work for Annie).
7. If you are really worried about behavior, try a dry run of a local community theater show. If your kid can’t sit still, at least you’ll only have spent $20 figuring it out.
8. If your kid has sensory issues, hearing loss, special needs, a wheelchair, etc. check with the theater. Look first to the website, don’t be bashful about calling the theater. Lots of theaters have headphones for the hearing impaired, seating for wheelchairs, etc. Some even offer special performances for kids with special needs so parents can relax too without worrying about the daggers being shot at them by cranky theater goers. The Theatre Development Fund does a lot of great stuff to make theater accessible to everyone. Check out this awesomeness! For upcoming performances that are part of the TDF’s Autism Theatre Initiative click here.
9. Discuss expectations in advance. Mabel recently danced in a feis. While we were there watching other kids dance we spoke about being a good audience member- sitting still, paying attention, not talking, etc. I reminded her of that when we saw Newsies.
10. Be prepared for (avoiding) additional expenses. Theaters make money however they can- that includes drinks in souvenir cups and snacks during intermission, all kinds of souvenirs, CDs, etc to purchase. If you don’t intend to spend additional money, discuss it in advance. If the theater will be selling the CD/doll/T-shirt at an incredible mark-up and you’d like your kid to have it, purchase it elsewhere in advance. Bring snacks and drinks in your purse (I’m not talking an Igloo cooler or a picnic basket, but a water bottle and granola bar).
So those are my suggestions. Do you have anything to add? How old were you when you saw your first musical or play? Have you taken your kids yet?